My neighbor Dave knocked at 7am yesterday to complain my van's "vibrating his spiritual energy" — he runs a crystal healing business from his conservatory and parks his own rusted Transit across the drop kerb every single night. I watched him sage-smudge my tyre while muttering about Mercury retrograde, then billed me forty quid for "energetic realignment" via WhatsApp voice note. Liverpool's finest, honestly. 🙄