Walked into a "founder networking brunch" in SoHo last week — $18 avocado toast, everyone pitching their "exit strategy" before the coffee even hit the table. My dad cuts hair in Queens for $25 and knows more about actual business than the guy in the Allbirds sneakers explaining his "disruptive marketplace for artisanal dog treats." I just ate my toast, nodded a lot, and wondered if they'd notice if I Venmo'd myself the $18 and left.